When all you can do is grow a pair (of wings) and awaken the Angel within.

What keeps us moving forward when just giving up and shutting down would make more sense?  We’ve all experienced times of despair that left us questioning our existence, wondering what’s the point of all this?  Although I’ve never seriously thought about just ending it all, there have been many times when it seemed like living was overrated.  But even in those lowest points, some spark of inspiration has ignited and kept the lights on.

Without going into a lot of details about how I got myself into the situation, I will admit that my emotional health was so out of control for so many years that chaos was a way of life.  I’ve had many low points that I dealt with by burning bridges and scorching the earth and, one day, finally realized that I didn’t have much left.  I told myself I was embracing minimalism but it wasn’t by choice.  It had evolved from an unsettled life that led to moving frequently and throwing things overboard each time just to lighten the load.

I’ll start from a place on the timeline when I was grieving the loss of one dog and adopted another dog to help ease the pain.  The rest of that backdrop is that I was underemployed and could barely support myself and needed to find another place to live that was not only affordable but pet friendly.  I would have moved in to a barn if one had been available.  I watched a lot of YouTube videos about people living in their vehicles because they had no other affordable options and found their stories truly inspiring.  But my little Miata was just too compact to provide any kind of sleeping position and that was just one of countless reasons why becoming a nomad would not be a solution for me.

Time was running out to find a place to live and, at the eleventh hour, an ad for a small, “studio” apartment that allowed pets bobbed up in my radar and I pounced on it.  Well, it was 200 sq, ft. and without a kitchen but I could afford it and my dog was welcome there so that was enough.  I signed a 12 month lease thinking, surely, I would have more options by the time it was up but one year became three years and I’m really kind of proud of myself for all the little space innovations that I tinkered with to make that small space livable for the two of us.  There is one other incognito Angel in this story: Marcel, my neurotic little rescue dog.  There’s nothing like a beloved pet to give one a feeling of purpose and a will to survive because you know someone is counting on you.

We’ve all had times of scarcity and loss and I realize my life has not been any more prone to adversity than any other life.  In fact, on a global scale, I’ve always had more comfort and security than most of my fellow humans on this planet.  The best part of going through challenging times is that victorious feeling that comes with discovering all the workarounds that can keep your life in motion so you can stay in the game.  It was a time that I learned to make the most of every available resource and be my own guardian Angel.