One powerful word that I’ve learned to rely on is ACCEPT. Acceptance is my method of choice for memory management.  Like all my other fellow-humans, our relationships with one another can, at times, be barbed. A little like being trapped in a rose garden and trying to navigate through the beauty and fragrance without getting shredded by thorns.  And sometimes things are left unresolved, no winners or losers, just a pressed rose petal with blood stains for the scrapbook.

Whether I blame myself, the other party, or both of us, conventional philosophies dictate that forgiveness is needed before healing can begin.  The trouble with forgiveness is it’s always attached to what I’m trying to forgive – like a ball and chain.  That’s been problematic for me.  No matter how much I try to put myself in a forgiving mood, mindset or motive, whatever it is I want to forgive is lurking in the wings like an evil twin.  And those unpleasant memories take me down to a level of regret, resentment and rage that keeps me stuck in a ditch rather than on a road to recovery.

I’ve learned to practice a more realistic approach to letting go.  Instead of trying to forgive and forget, I choose to just forget about forgiving and practice acceptance instead.  Accepting those events that can’t be changed does more for my peace of mind than trying to figure out whose fault it was and exonerate the guilty.

Acceptance is a power tool for memory management that helps take the sting out of recollection. Acceptance neutralizes the feelings attached to flashbacks and re-frames the thought into an acknowledgement of “yep, that happened.” Then, I can just reflect on what I learned from the experience.  And not long after that it starts feeling more like I’m just back in school, sitting through a boring history class, listening to an account of past events that have no connection to my present state of affairs and being stuck there, waiting for the bell to ring, when there are so many more interesting things I could be doing.  So, in summary, painful memories are just a boring history class. But, when the bell finally rings … CLASS DISMISSED!